I believe there are two kinds of people in this world, those that let circumstances and people dictate their future, and the ones that map out their own destiny. We often hear statements, maybe even from our own lips, such as “I had no choice”,”he said I don’t have a chance”,”I’ve always been like this”. Self defeating statements that shift the accountability from ourselves onto others or circumstances supposedly beyond our control. It’s an easy escape route that absolves us from taking responsibility for the circumstances we found ourselves in.
Let’s look at how that applies to relationships. You may have a partner that consistently denigrates you to the point that you question your self worth. The things they say put you on a big guilt trip so you end up feeling condemned and responsible for their misery which is what they want as they are looking to offload responsibility for the way they are feeling onto you, their partner and the one easiest and closest to lash out at.
The way to react in these circumstances is not to retaliate with an equally harmful statement or react emotionally. Rather, acknowledge their pain, sympathize, but do not accept responsibility. Say something neutral like “Thanks for sharing that, I’m sorry that you feel that way “. Of course, if some of what they say genuinely resonates with you and is correct, and you feel it is the appropriate thing to do, then by all means apologize. But just be careful not to quickly fall into a guilt trap. It’s always better to take time to contemplate what has been shared and mull it over. Di-sect it and objectively evaluate it. Visualize yourself as a third party observer , strive for clarity of mind to see the truth. Even get the opinion of a third party to see what they think if you have somebody you trust to share it with.
We can’t always control what people say and do to us. If a husband or wife asks for a divorce, or say they don’t love us any more, it can hit like a bomb shell. It’s understandable that there will be a period of time when we experience a mixture of extreme emotions such as grief, anger, sometimes denial. But there has to come a time when we lift ourselves off the ground and get on with life. Some people use the negative experiences they go through as an excuse to perpetuate their roles as victims. Sure, life can really throw us some curve balls, but we have the power to determine how they will affect us. It’s only our thoughts that determine whether we rise or fall, at the end of the day, the choice is up to us.
You can be a victor or a loser, no one can make you either, you choose what you want to be. So wherever life has got you now, take a minute to think where you want to be. Visualize where you want to go, don’t worry right now about the details of how you’re going to get there. For the moment, just fill your mind with the picture of what you want, your ideal situation. Once you are determined you are going to get there, without fail, the Universe will set in motion all the things you need to for your journey. The tools, the people, the situations are all already there waiting for you, you just need to ask.
We can be victims or victors, which one are you?